ACCOUNTABILITY

A Person Who Has Battered Their Partner Becomes Accountable When:

1. They have acknowledged to the battered partner and to their community of friends and family that they have assaulted and controlled their partner, and that they have committed acts of violence against them.
2. They admit the pattern of abusive control which tyrannized their partner
3. They admit that their behavior was unprovoked and inexcusable
4. They know that their behavior was criminal
5. They understand their behavior was not caused by stress, chemical dependency, or any other outside factor
6. They know they were not out of control
7. They admit that they intended to control or punish their partner
8. They deeply regret their actions, and are appalled
9. They recognize the pain and suffering they visited upon their partner
10. They accept full responsibility for their acts
11. They acknowledge this without expectations of approval from their partner
12. They understand they are not entitled to their partners forgiveness
13. They recognize that their partner may never trust them again, and may remain afraid of them forever
14. They can enumerate the losses suffered by their partner and their family
15. They do not expect protection for their name
16. They realize they need the help of their family, their friends and their community to prevent further use of violence
17. They know that they need to find others to support them in non-violence
18. They know clearly that there is nothing in the relationship or their partner that caused the battery
19. They know they are at risk for battering any partner in the future
20. They realize that the battered partner should not have to hear any of the above points from them, unless they desire to hear it.

    In addition, if the battered partner has left:

21. They agree to limit contact with them, their friends and their family
22. They agree to stop chasing and tracking them
23. They agree to avoid the places their partner frequents, and to provide their partner with plenty of space away from them
24. They agree to stop collecting information about their partner
25. They understand they need to pay restitution, which could mean child support, alimony, if their partner desires, and agrees to support them in this restitution as long as they need it, to replace the losses they have sustained; and finally,
26. They refuse to manipulate their children to discredit their partner

    When you, as a person who has battered their partner can do all of the above, then and only then, are you accountable to the person you have battered, to battered victims as a group, and to yourself.

    Adapted from Keynote Presentation by Barbara Hart, PCADC, Baltimore Conference on Batterers, 1987.